Kara felt like she’d exhausted every dating option, so her friend, Helena, suggested a Ouija board.
“A Ouija board? Isn’t that to talk to ghosts, or dead people?” Kara said.
“Yeah, exactly,” Helena said. “But it’s how Jake met Bianca. And how Tiff met Josie. It’ll be as normal as all the other apps in a few years, trust me. Remember what people used to say about Tinder?”
Kara did remember what people used to say about Tinder, but she didn’t think that extended to ghouls or ghosts or whatever this new trend was.
Still, she prided herself on trying new things. So, she figured, what the hell. How bad could it be?
Kara ordered a Ouija board online. When it arrived, three days later, she set it up in the centre of the living room in her apartment. Helena had sent her a link on the best atmosphere for a love connection: lights down, candles lit, incense burning.
Once everything was just right, she sat next to the board and began to ask some basic questions. Soon enough, the pointer started to move, spelling out words letter by letter, answering her ‘Yes’ and ‘No’, and so on.
“What’s your name?” she asked, after laughing at how witty one of the spirit’s answers had been.
K-E-L-V-I-N.
“Kelvin,” she repeated.
Soon enough, she and Kelvin were speaking every night. Kara would set out the board and begin talking, and Kelvin would respond using the pointer instantly. He seemed kind and caring, and always had plenty of questions about her day. They shared a love language, thought it was important to maintain a healthy lifestyle, and were both extroverts.
Kara was surprised how swiftly she’d been impressed by Kelvin. He wasn’t like anyone else she’d ever dated. Aside from the fact that he had no physical form, she could see this relationship lasting. But the physical had never been very important to her, anyway, and as these partnerships had become more popular, it was more socially acceptable to date beyond your plane, or realm, or life cycle.
Soon she found ways to travel outside the apartment. She downloaded a Ouija board app, which Kelvin seemed to be able to use without any issues, to both of their delight. When she went to a cafe she’d place her phone down in front of her and they would gossip, very slowly, about other customers. At parties she would introduce him by gathering a small group around her phone for them to ask questions about his life and interests. To her delight, everyone seemed to really like him. They described him as “very charming” and “super interesting” and, above all else, “a keeper”.
As the months closed in on a year, things started to get even more serious. Kelvin moved in to Kara’s place – though, she realised, she wasn’t sure that he hadn’t been living with her already. When she took him as her date to her sister’s wedding, he and her dad totally hit it off. By the time the reception ended, her dad joked, “I asked Kelvin, does he know how to spell out ‘Call me Dad’?”
They had some important conversations. Kelvin explained that it was possible for them to have children: they could simply summon a spirit to possess a doll, or some other kind of object. Kara suggested that they may just be able to adopt, and Kelvin conceded that this was also an option.
Life in the apartment became beautiful. Kelvin found ways to speak with her through the radio, and through her television. He left her messages in fog on the mirror, and sometimes left music playing to suit their moods. He was totally supportive of Kara’s career, her dreams, and her friends loved coming to visit. She messaged Helena, thanking her again for the suggestion. Helena replied, of course! I knew it was worth a shot!
On their anniversary, they went to Kelvin’s favourite restaurant. He had the ability to taste the food by hovering inside it, he’d explained, so while Kara ate he would move through the meals of other customers, enjoying a feast.
After the meal she ordered dessert, and they began to joke using her app. After a small pause, she watched the letters on the board move: M-A-R-R. She smiled, and imagined the rest of their life together, but waited for Kelvin to complete the phrase.
As the letter ‘M’ appeared, Kara felt water splash over her face. She turned to see a large man in black robes with a white collar, flicking water over her and the table. He began to holler and shout.
“What are you doing?” she asked, trying not to make a scene, though it was too late.
“An exorcism!” the man yelled. “I’m exorcising everyone I can. Too many people are meddling with dark forces! I see your phone! I see what you are up to! Be gone! Be gone!”
The man rolled his eyes back, and he shouted some more, and he threw more water, and then he sprinted away, out the door and into the night.
When Kara looked back at her phone, the app was closed. She pulled her full Ouija board out of her handbag and put it on the table, but nothing happened.
She sat there, alone, waiting.
Kelvin never returned. Kara heard from Helena that this had recently happened to Jake as well, that Bianca had been sent back to a place he knew nothing about while they were getting ice cream at the beach. This was a small comfort.
She couldn’t bring herself to summon another spirit. It wouldn’t be the same. So she packed up her Oujia board, and put away all the other small items she and Kelvin had used to communicate. Then she went to the library, and found an old newspaper with an article about Kelvin, from when he was still alive. She asked for a copy, which she took home and stuck to her fridge.
When people asked her what had happened, she would tell them about the random exorcism, then she would show them the article, and they would tell her they were thankful for the time she did have with him. They would tell her that not everyone was as lucky to meet someone like Kelvin even once in their lives, or after it.
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A Quick Recommendation
This interesting story, ‘Donald Rumsfeld Saved From Drowning’ by Patrick Barrett, traces the US Defense Secretary over the course of years, highlighting moments in time, brief interactions, small platitudes.
I am looking for some clarification on my role here.
I understand that, as Secretary, I am automatically a member of the Homeland Security Council. And, of course, I am also a member of the National Security Council.
Are there any other bodies to which I belong? Not just at home, but considering the larger world as well.
And then internally: What are my responsibilities?
Please pull together a list of all the things I am.
Thanks.
In its hints of the human, this story condemns. The full story is available to read in Guernica.
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